Tuesday, November 22, 2011

TMNT is Secretly Horrifying

To children movies are magical adventures to far off lands, and hart felt battles of good against evil. As adults we learn to look past some of the emotional entrapments of movies and we start to notice some disturbing things.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – 1990

When viewed as a child.

Four totally awesome mutated turtles are taught nin-jitsu by a giant rat and save the day by defeating Shredder and the foot clan. Along the way they meet a dude that dresses like Jason Vorheese, and looks like Charles Manson.

Who would have thought this guy would be the reason this article exists?

When viewed as an adult.

“Holy shit Casey Jones just murdered Shredder!”

After the climactic rooftop battle between the turtles and Shredder, Splinter shows up and Shredder falls off the roof. His fall is broken by the garbage in the back of a garbage truck. Immediately Casey Jones comes and pulls the lever crushing Shredder to death.


We now know that Shredder lived and that Casey Jones just horribly maimed him. But in 1990 we didn’t. We were left to believe that a main character that we grew to love cold-bloodedly murdered the antagonist. And for what reason? Shredder’s teenage gang of thieves was scared straight by a giant rat. The police were there. The turtles defeated the foot clan using good old fashioned non lethal slapstick-jitsu.

In fact if Casey hadn’t tried to murder Shredder he might have gone to prison and not been able to make the second, and considerably worse, movie.

Then this would never have happened.

But then again we all know what a TMNT movie without shredder turns into.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stopped playing Skyrim